Welcome a new Amie

I came up with this post when I was laid in the bath and over thinking about my life. I was laid thinking "what am I actually doing for me?"

I stopped my YouTube channel and put my videos on private because I couldn't stand the thought that people were watching them to mock me. And I knew names of people that were.
I write (when I can) for Vlogger Gossip but that's still not for me.
I'm going to University to do a journalism degree - but I'm not even sure if I want to do journalism after I graduate. 

The only thing I have left that I let go of - is my blog. So I've returned.

I've redesigned my blog to not what I think people like to look at - but what I like to look at. Since it should be based around the writer not the audience. I'm not getting paid for this! So I hope that you guys like the new layout but if you don't - sorry but I'm not really bothered anymore!

p.s This post is going to be a long one, so go and grab a cuppa if you want to keep reading without getting bored.

Anyway...
I'm sat with a tab open on Chrome ready to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas - since it's November so I'm allowed to do such a thing. But oddly the title The Nightmare Before Christmas is starting to sound like a description of my life right now. 

I thought I'd give you nosy lot an insider into my life so you can have a laugh or you can relate to me if the same crap is happening to you. Also it's kind of like a diary entry for me to look back on next year and laugh at myself for being so naive. 

What's actually happened this year to make me reconsider everything? Well lets start with the nitty gritty (literally)...

I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend in May. Although this never really hurt me doing it - it seems like lately he's only just realised that I actually did break up with him and i'm not going back there. So i've had hell rain down on me and been called every name under the sun by said 'ex'. I laugh that off, because I know it's all bull. If I'm that much of a bad person pal - why did you sit outside my house in your car? Or make a 'work' instagram to contact me to unblock you? Lol go away.
I could go into the deep depths of why I did what I did and why he's such a tool - but I'm not going to give him or his mates the satisfaction. But hey lads if you're reading! Thanks for the view!

Enough with that disaster - here's another.

I thought I liked a lad. Yes that seems normal but with being in a 4 year relationship and then being able to speak to who I want again - it's pretty terrifying! I was very naive and pushed it away for a long time and never pictured myself liking anyone for a while. Yes I took the Bridget Jones idea of being a strong independent woman. But my stupid heart wanted to do otherwise. (p.s - remind self to always go with the brain over heart next time).
So yeah I thought I liked a lad, I thought he liked me too. Turned out he was the type of lad that you see all the Tumblr posts about and vow never to let yourself to be intrigued by them - oops!
This week (i'll explain why shortly) has been a huge eye opener and I've realised that "if you don't want to be in my life, then go, because I don't need you". I've turned back to my mother's stubbornness - Hi mam!
So that chapter is over, lets just rip it out the book, burn it and pretend that small period of my year did not take place. 

Another thing I discovered this year (& if the shoe fits, you can sure as hell tie up them laces) is that the whole idea of needing both parents to have a good life - is a load of crap. Apart from my Dad *grimace*, buying me and my sister Justin Bieber tickets, that's all we've had or heard of him for a year. Literally a year on the 2nd of December. And we've just found out it's going to be at least another year before he considers coming to see his kids. I mean i'd understand if we were bad kids - but we aren't. But I guess we aren't bad kids because our mam has given us the best up bringing we could have asked for and out of all the dark moments over the past 6 years - she has been our shining star. Love you mammy.
As for the other one, with my stubbornness that has set in, if he thinks he can show up November 2017 after 2 years of not seeing us: it will be a case of 'sorry but I'm not allowed to speak to strangers'.

SO.... After the rant of many men letting me down this year. What's actually been good?

Well this year I was blessed with finding who my true friends are. 
I have many little circles of friends in different places - but one of them circles is who I count as my sisters.
Zhiyin, Vicky and Tyler - hey lasses! But shout out to the girls who give me support in anything and back up my corner no matter the argument. 
Tyler is my little gem especially. It's funny that we weren't close at all in school and it was all just a smile in the corridors. But now she's my best friend. The type of best friend that tags you in every relevant post on Facebook to make you laugh. The type of best friend who throws plans at you and never lets you down. She also blessed me with asking me to be a god-mother to her beautiful little girl Harley (who I consider myself to be the baby Daddy anyway...). So shout out to my girls, my Tyler and little Harley *inserts heart emoji*.

Also shout out to Flat 90 (You know who you are), you're my homies and I look forward to driving you all mad with my cleaning again next summer. I can't wait to sit with Lauren late at night talking crap and watching strange videos - you know what I mean Gilbey! Miss you sister!

Of course this year I travelled a lot. To Benidorm to Turkey which I'm so grateful for both experiences and I loved them both. It's made me more confident that I want to go travelling (even if I get such travel sickness on planes!) 

Oh, and I seen Justin Bieber again! Oh MY WORD he was outstanding as always. After 3.5 years of seeing him for Believe Tour in Manchester, I got the chance to see him for Purpose Tour in Sheffield. Almost two weeks ago now and i'm still not over it - I don't think I ever will be. If I could afford tickets to other shows of he's I'd definitely be flying all over to see his pretty face again.

The point of this post?
Well done if you made it this far. The point is - i'm no longer taking crap off anyone. I'm entering the 'bitch' faze of my life, if you will. But i'm also returning to my blog. But it's not going to be about what my 'routines' are, because of uni I no longer have any routines. I use the same moisturiser and I paint my nails with whatever colour I find close to where i'm sat.

I hope you're ready for posts about my hangovers, about how big of a melt down i'm having over University and which person has annoyed me each week.

Bye guys, love yas x